What To Leave Behind....

So much of my energy all year is spent on "what to bring to Haiti". Lately, I have been thinking more about what I want to leave behind. I am wired for structure, high volume efficiency, and lots of distraction. I look at that shopping list and find myself wanting to leave all of it behind. My friend Cindy said that when she was in Haiti she had to find herself really slowing down and focusing on the person in front of her. So my check list for leaving behind is ~
Speed, distraction, being 'efficient'...
I also want to leave behind pity....but feel like I left with more respect for the people than any pity. I found myself feeling pity for celebrities, politicians, or the wealthy when I got home. I want to leave behind my fascination with the kids, and focus more on the employment and empowerment of the people. I want to leave behind rules and remember whose clinic I am in. I recall they told me "Don't let anyone in".....so I did that, but offended one of the nurses who was trying to come to work. This year I want to meet the staff upfront and learn what their daily routines are, then mold our mission around that.
I want to leave behind my nervousness of singing in front of a group. Having my brother Brian there will really help me with this. I love singing with him. I was so humbled to stand before these people. I can't wait for Brian to see what we see.
I did leave behind a lot of fear last time, so that gets put back on the do not bring list.
My list will grow as time gets closer. Recently I have been reading from long term missionaries that they feel short term missions can do more harm than good. They appear to breeze in, act fake, act like they "pity" the people or that they are on an ego trip "Look at me, I'm so good". It really upset me, because that wasn't a fair picture. I questioned if I was doing the right thing by going. Then I remembered I didn't go for me, I didn't want to go. I was in the service thinking "I think missionaries may be suicidal" when God practically blew me over with a stern "You move when I tell you to move!" I jumped and ran, he turned me away from Venezuela and right into Haiti. I truly felt called....no ordered. It wasn't exactly the warm fuzzy self absorbed feeling the missionaries pinned on me. I also began reading the book of ACTS. Paul was the king of the short term mission trip! I will work this out as the weeks get closer to Haiti. Right now I am praying for $10,000 to come to Pastor Prophete so he can get a pick up truck. It is something I would GLADLY take to Haiti......